Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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