I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
