i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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