YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize