I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
