I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
