Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize
