I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
