Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
