he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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