I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
