i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
