Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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