My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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