hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
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