considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
im having a threesome with these popsicles
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize