'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
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