Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
This is my gift to your gina
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
