Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
This is my life. Enjoy the view
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
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