I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
