I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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