can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
