we have officially lost it.
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
