I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
