Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
