I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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