he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Randomize
