you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
