Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Did I show you my penis last night?
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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