whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
