I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I pour the whiskey from now on
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
