I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
