Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
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