White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
