Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
