I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
should my penis look like a turkey
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize