you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
