The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
