Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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