yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
as a side note pls kill me
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
