I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
