Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Randomize
