I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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