how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
