And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
