Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
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