Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Randomize
