How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
