I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
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