i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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