Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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