i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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