Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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