not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
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