He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
