I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
