I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Randomize
