now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
