Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Randomize
