My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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