New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
