I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
