I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
