If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
