Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
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