i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
i will never coherently bang her
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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