I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Don't EVER smell your tampon
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
