Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
