Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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