I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Don't make out with my wife yet
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I hope mine doesn't look like that
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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