I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
