I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
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