no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
