sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
