none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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