A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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