Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
