The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
