i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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