TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Randomize
