Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
