i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
the condom got lost in my hair
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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