Betty ford says i'm here all night
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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