I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Randomize
