She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
