if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Randomize
