Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
