did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize