Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Randomize
