i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
